Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
