i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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