Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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