i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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