I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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