You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
