I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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