dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
