I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
