Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
