well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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