I cannot find my penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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