I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
