Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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