he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
