I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I touched a dick in church today
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
