this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
