We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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