Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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