Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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