I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i out mim tonsoeep
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
