A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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