Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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