Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
