my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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