When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
