I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
