At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
