well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize