she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize