the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
