there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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