Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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