I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
