The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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