did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You made out with two different species that night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
