I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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