he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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