I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
