for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
