This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
