You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
