i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
