We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
