i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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