This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
