i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
