I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
