Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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