he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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