And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
