The maid of honor just puked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
