What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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