No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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