i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
