I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
