so explain again why im purple
no
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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