This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
