So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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