Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
