i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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