i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
