I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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