u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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