Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
